I think we don't look at this issue in the same way. I don't know if one is more correct than the other. There are a lot of issues involved in this discussion, and this thread may not be the proper place to address them, but I will attempt to clarify my views.
It is not obvious to me that there is a distinction between clarity and realism. I think they are similar and closely related. If one hears less distinct sting plucking because he is too far away or the hall is absorbing some of those details, that just means that the real sound is less clear in that hall, or you are too far away to hear the details. Some recordings are very close mic'd and we don't often hear that either. I presume by "realism" you refer to the sound of real instruments. That obviously varies depending on many factors. So we are really talking about a range of actual sounds and when we are recalling that as a reference, we are talking about our memories of a range of sounds that we have heard over a period of time. The one overwhelming characteristic when I listen to orchestral sound at the BSO is "clarity". Regardless of where I sit, though it is usually up close in the center, what strikes me is the extreme clarity of each of the instruments. This is the same when I listen to a small ensemble in a living room or up on a small stage. Clarity, then energy. In my view, if the information is on the recording, then a system must convey these things for it to sound real, or close to real.
I am also conflicted about my goals. I do not know if I want my system to remind me of the sound of real instruments more than I want my system to try to more closely reproduce what has been captured on the recording. Regardless of the goal, I certainly do not want a system that inherently reduces clarity so that it sounds a bit more like some instrument that is in a warm, "fuller acoustic" so that "some of those details are less apparent, less 'clear'...." because I have heard a soft sounding cello once in a bad hall somewhere. If that acoustic is on the recording, I want to hear it. And clarity in a system is what will allow me to hear it from the recording.
I want my system to be clean, clear, transparent and neutral but I do not want it to impart a sterility or thinness, or sameness to every recording. This I think is the best way to reproduce the sounds captured on the recording. A really good full range speaker system in a great system can do that. So can a good two-way system, except that it is limited in frequency range which may rob it of some fullness, scale and weight. I have heard well integrated sub woofer systems which do not rob a system of clarity. But I have also heard subs that do, and I don't really know if it is because of integration issues, the alteration of tonal balance, or overall coherence. I just don't know how to better describe it, but I do know that my preference is for a cleaner sound than it is for one that is augmented by low frequencies if they sound unnatural or mask over details. Final resolution is the arbiter or me.
Perhaps it is the timing which people mention between disparate drivers. Perhaps it is tonal balance. Perhaps it is the obscuring of details or masking of some sort. I agree with you that not all live sound is super clear and detailed. The sound of a piano through a neighbor's window is one classic example. That is not about clarity, but we know it is real. It might have to do with dynamics and tone. Its sound still convinces us that it is real.
In my view, if one compares a system with and without a sub turned on, if the sub robs the system of clarity, something is wrong. I prefer the more clear sound. Others may prefer something else that the subs bring to the sound. Subs do not have to rob the system of clarity. Often, if well integrated, they both maintain system clarity and improve extension, fullness, weight and other nice things which make the system sound even more real. And in some cases, adding a sub will free up the lower drivers in a speaker and overall clarity will actually improve. But if turning on the sub decreases clarity, my preference is to turn it off.
I think we can agree that we both choose realism. I just think that we sometimes have a different notion of what realism sounds like. And that is fine, my friend.