New Dedicated Listening Room
- Thread starter Kingrex
- Start date
Another Johnson, others who moved to help kids and gave up their home and preferred living location . . .
When you move across the country because your kids ask for help* they don't pay you a monthly expense reimbursement or an outright stipend or something?
*Why don't they pay for their own childcare needs in the first place?
When you move across the country because your kids ask for help* they don't pay you a monthly expense reimbursement or an outright stipend or something?
*Why don't they pay for their own childcare needs in the first place?
Last edited:
I can’t speak for others. But in our case there is no financial hardship for us. Families help each other. Multigenerational child rearing has value. There’s no more to it than that.
It's called being part of a family.
It seems selfish to me. If they need the help, then why don't they move across the country to be near you?
Do you have kids Ron, just out of interest?
Regarding moving
I lived in nyc all of my life and made a good living there two wives lol.
12 years ago I wanted a summer home I’ve never wanted to commute and never did
So another state was fine plane
or drive was easy to work at home run things
what I did not see coming was how much I’ve grown to love it down south and make a better life for my family not me them.
to me I’m away from city life down south as I’m in a rural area
so now while I still own a place two actually in nyc
I don’t miss it
Kids I’ve done all for them and wife’s
why it’s a non selfish decision I do and I feel those who live for themselves is understood by them.
life ends for all of us and we need to find ways to grab some happiness all along
I lived in nyc all of my life and made a good living there two wives lol.
12 years ago I wanted a summer home I’ve never wanted to commute and never did
So another state was fine plane
or drive was easy to work at home run things what I did not see coming was how much I’ve grown to love it down south and make a better life for my family not me them.
to me I’m away from city life down south as I’m in a rural area
so now while I still own a place two actually in nyc
I don’t miss it
Kids I’ve done all for them and wife’s
why it’s a non selfish decision I do and I feel those who live for themselves is understood by them.
life ends for all of us and we need to find ways to grab some happiness all along
You appear to think that it’s a one-sided deal with “the need for child care” at its center. Seems gauche to me. I don’t know any grandparents that would move with that as a central reason.
Love is more likely at the center. And a grandmother’s love can pull harder than the strongest magnet.
Note that I did not say I regretted the move. I regretted that I was eventually willing to let our old “main house” go after only two years of keeping up two main houses. I should have stuck to my guns, but the doubling of value from early 2020 to mid 2022 (driven by people migrating from the west coast to middle Tennessee) was very tempting. In hind sight, I wish that I had resisted the temptation. I enjoyed returning to “the fortress of solitude.”
On a different note, on retirement , my father’s parents bought a house in Ft Lauderdale. My father and his brother were able to talk them into keeping their house in NY. They rented it on a one year lease. After 6 months in Ft Lauderdale, they were counting the days remaining before they could return to their former house, friends, AND family. They were very glad that they’d not sold their special place. There weren’t even any grandchildren involved in the move to FL.
Family dynamics are different for every family. Do what works for you and yours.
But, if you have roots and a great setting in a long loved home/community, and you don’t need the money that selling could bring on the open market, be sure you’re ready to turn it over to someone else before you list it. It’s rare to get a second crack at a prime property, and keeping it gives you unique, and possibly valuable, options. YMMV, of course.
In decision theory, I think this is an application of the principle of least commitment. Do not make any irreversible decision until it has to be made. Keep your options open.
I’m not Marty, but I have had two rooms with knee walls and dormers in two different houses in the past.
In my case, I enjoyed both for intimate musical performances… chamber music, quintets, quartets, trios, duets, soloists.
I was not able to get orchestral, or other large scale performances to be pleasing. But I did not work very hard at it because I had other rooms in other houses at the time that did work well for larger scales.
If I were to approach a room with knee walls and dormers today, I would definitely be working with room correction software, and perhaps even a consultant.
And I think I might limit my audio budget to $25k on the front end, at least until I’d determined by experiment that the room was going to be worthy of more expensive gear.
It will be a fun project.
Don't forget. Parents get old. My parents had to abandon VA and come out west. Probably took 2 years to long to do it. They are 88. Dads mental capacity is failing. Mom is worn out from dealing with him. My brother has a guest house attached to his main house they are staying in. My new house also has a guest house. Point being, children may need help from parents raising kids. But one day, the parents may need help themselves.
And there is the F Up American way of fledge the kids and never seeing them again. I gather this is unique in the world. Blame it on money. But my mom and dad realized late in life that having 135 acres in VA is 135 acres. But having a fractured, infrequent relationship with your kids beause you wanted a bunch of land 3000 miles from all of them is one choice that might be ok for a while. But is it the best choice. Honestly, moms hope was one of us would want to take over 50 acres, build a house and move with them. They never comsidered the benefit to their children of being around to hep with the grandkids. My father in law moved to Vashon to help my wifes sister with her child. That was probanly one of the happiest time in his life. Its not a one way street if you approach it right.
But times change. My brother is waiting to see where there kids land to move to a new adventure. And along that line, I can't stand being in one place to long. A house is house. I have been rutted in Seattle way to long. I'm far beyond wanting a change. Being stagnated here has not expanded my life experience. I heard the other day we will all only remember maybe 135 significant moments in our lives. The rest is gone. And if your rooted in one place your whole liife, you may have far less experiences that have any significant meaning to attach a strong memory too. Establishing a new home can have lots of good experience, and some rough ones to think back on.
And there is the F Up American way of fledge the kids and never seeing them again. I gather this is unique in the world. Blame it on money. But my mom and dad realized late in life that having 135 acres in VA is 135 acres. But having a fractured, infrequent relationship with your kids beause you wanted a bunch of land 3000 miles from all of them is one choice that might be ok for a while. But is it the best choice. Honestly, moms hope was one of us would want to take over 50 acres, build a house and move with them. They never comsidered the benefit to their children of being around to hep with the grandkids. My father in law moved to Vashon to help my wifes sister with her child. That was probanly one of the happiest time in his life. Its not a one way street if you approach it right.
But times change. My brother is waiting to see where there kids land to move to a new adventure. And along that line, I can't stand being in one place to long. A house is house. I have been rutted in Seattle way to long. I'm far beyond wanting a change. Being stagnated here has not expanded my life experience. I heard the other day we will all only remember maybe 135 significant moments in our lives. The rest is gone. And if your rooted in one place your whole liife, you may have far less experiences that have any significant meaning to attach a strong memory too. Establishing a new home can have lots of good experience, and some rough ones to think back on.
That seems to be a definitive no. Assuming that's the case, it is why you do not understand and relate to the love / dedication a mother and father have for their kids. Kinda like the audio equivalent of "if you haven't heard it, you should not comment".
Last edited:
We’ve owned 12 homes in 4 states during our life together. But the property that I’m musing about was really special, and so was the community.
There are some houses and some communities that are definitely a joy to leave.
Nevertheless, as Joni suggests, sometimes “You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.”
Everyone doesn’t have the resources to keep all options open. But if you do, my thinking is that it’s good to keep options open.
My mother moved about an hour to be closer to my young family so that she could spend more time with her new grandchildren. It’s what she really wanted to do and she helped us out a lot for a few years. My mother benefited greatly as did my two daughters. It was a great move for everyone involved.
I suppose it was a bit selfish for my mother and a bit selfish for us. We all felt it was what was best for the grandchildren at the time. Everyone benefited. I’d rather have them spend time with their grandmother who loves them than just some nanny although we had a couple of those as well who were great. Perhaps it is easier to understand if one has children. It also created a strong sense of family values.
This was 20 years ago and my kids are really close to her. I think it has enriched everyone’s life.
I suppose it was a bit selfish for my mother and a bit selfish for us. We all felt it was what was best for the grandchildren at the time. Everyone benefited. I’d rather have them spend time with their grandmother who loves them than just some nanny although we had a couple of those as well who were great. Perhaps it is easier to understand if one has children. It also created a strong sense of family values.
This was 20 years ago and my kids are really close to her. I think it has enriched everyone’s life.
Last edited:
Similar threads
