Is criticism to be frowned upon?

[Ron Party]

Amir, interesting you write that. I look in the mirror and think the same thing about myself. I have absolutely no doubt I come across differently when I post than how I am in real life. Sometimes I look back on some of the comments I've posted, shake my head in disbelief and say to myself: "Did I really write that? What an ass." Is it OK to publicly post curse words when referring to oneself? LOL.

 

[Andre Marc]

He is soft spoken. Warm and gentle. Agrees with me with regards to conduct of many people as being inappropriate that I also do. With one exception, in a 90 minute, he was not confrontational. He explained that if people don't go after him, he has no reason to be unhappy in a forum. All but one comment was positive about him. He comes across as the type of person you want to know and spend your time with him.

That left a great impression on me so I decided to completely stay away from challenging him on the forum. I let him say things no matter how different or wrong they are in my views. I absolutely let them brush of my side and let him enjoy having these interactions with other members with similar views.

How is he different in the forum? Here is a comment that he made in your thread to Blizzard:


Curse words? Direct attack on the person? Chastising a person for having too many posts? This is not how he spoke to me. Is this how he speaks to others? If not, why is he saying we should do as we do in public?


Unfair? What is unfair in saying Mike is a great person when you meet him? I am praising him as someone far better than the way he comes across in forums. If people have an opportunity to ever meet them, they should take advantage of it. That is the real Mike. The persona we have here is not.

Thank you very much for elaborating. I really appreciate it. Now I understand exactly what point you were getting across and the context.

Interestingly, I find Mike direct, but not confrontational. I guess it is a matter of perception. i don't always agree with Mike and his preferences, but
that's the way it goes. I find his responses measured, with a decent tolerance.

For the record, I don't believe Mike was chastising anybody for the number of posts, but for the relentless, repetitive, condescending, tone deaf, and border line
trolling content. This is my opinion as well. Quantity of posts is meaningless.

 

[Wonner Naus]

How about a group hug and we all sing Kumbaya?

 

[853guy]

The persona we have here is not.

That comment would likely apply to about 1-and-a-half billion Facebook users, possibly many of the members here, and I'm completely convinced, during many threads, myself.

That's the nature of an online community. Typing is easy and relationship is hard. Stringing a bunch of clever words together is easy. Relating to people, honestly, openly, vulnerably and with humility - who here can say they do that consistently with even those nearest, dearest and most valuable? Not me.

This forum is only as good as its members and the way we relate to one another. I'm not saying it's easy - it's not. But the reason people leave the forum has nothing to do with the gear, nor our criticism of it - only our treatment of one another.

Is criticism to be frowned upon? No. But I'll be the second after Ron to admit I need to go look in the mirror before looking anywhere else.

 

[Wonner Naus]

How about a group hug and we all sing Kumbaya?

 

[amirm]

How about a group hug and we all sing Kumbaya?

Good idea:

 

[Ron Party]

Amir, I'm afraid to click on the play button.

 

[Ron Resnick]

Mike Lavigne's post, repeated by Steve, is exactly correct: "The standard should be how one communicates face to face." If you would not say it in person, then you should not write it on-line.

It is very unfortunate -- it is a loss to all of us -- if the lack of decorum causes people like Mike and Jack D. to be less interested in active participation on WBF.

 

[Johnny Vinyl]

I'm exactly the same here as I am in person.

 

[Bill Hart]

I'm exactly the same here as I am in person.

A little humility goes a long way.

 

[Bruce B]

I'm certainly more critical online than in person. There is a reason behind that though. I'm extremely introverted and can express my thoughts/feelings better in writing than in a face to face meeting. When someone gets confrontational to my face, I shut down. I absolutely hate public speaking and struggle sometimes standing in front of a class trying to teach. I know trying to build a business and being an introvert run counterintuitive, but if I'm passionate about a subject (audio or motorcycles), then it's all good.
But if someone PM's or emails me for my opinion, then I'm more than willing to give it to them!!

 

[Wonner Naus]

Seen on the Internet"

"My best quality is my extreme humility."

 

[jazdoc]

From a prior thread regarding thoughtful critique (http://www.whatsbestforum.com/showthread.php?16496-How-To-Compose-A-Sucessful-Critical-Commentary):

1.You should attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way."
2.You should list any points of agreement (especially if they are not matters of general or widespread agreement).
3.You should mention anything you have learned from your target.

4.Only then are you permitted to say so much as a word of rebuttal or criticism.

 

[Johnny Vinyl]

I'm certainly more critical on line than in person. There is a reason behind that though. I'm extremely introverted and can express my thoughts/feelings better in writing than in a face to face meeting. When someone gets confrontational to my face, then I shut down. I absolutely hate public speaking and struggle sometimes standing in front of class trying to teach. I know trying to build a business and being an introvert run counterintuitive, but if I'm passionate about a subject (audio or motorcycles), then it's all good.
But if someone PM's or emails me for my opinion, then I'm more than willing to give it to them!!

And I'm the exact opposite. Now, I'm a pretty good writer, but I hate typing out paragraph and paragraph of explanations on my keyboard to get some points across.

 

[Al M.]

Seen on the Internet"

"My best quality is my extreme humility."

Or rather, as I like to say, "I am extremely proud that humility is one of my most outstanding virtues".

 

[Wonner Naus]

Or rather, as I like to say, "I am extremely proud that humility is one of my most outstanding virtues".

OR:

"I'm so humble it's crazy. I'm like the Kayne West of humility."

OR:

"It ain't the heat, it's the humility." -- Yogi Bera

 

[Al M.]

OR:

"I'm so humble it's crazy. I'm like the Kayne West of humility."

OR:

"It ain't the heat, it's the humility." -- Yogi Bera

Hehe.

 

[amirm]

Amir, I'm afraid to click on the play button.

It is safe .

 

[amirm]

Seen on the Internet"

"My best quality is my extreme humility."

Humility is an analog thing. I am all digital so I don't want to hear about it...

 

[amirm]

From a prior thread regarding thoughtful critique (http://www.whatsbestforum.com/showthread.php?16496-How-To-Compose-A-Sucessful-Critical-Commentary):

1.You should attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way."
2.You should list any points of agreement (especially if they are not matters of general or widespread agreement).
3.You should mention anything you have learned from your target.

4.Only then are you permitted to say so much as a word of rebuttal or criticism.

I think 1-3 is a path to online sainthood. . I know I am not there but will try to practice more of it and keep them front and center when I post.

One thing you don't list but perhaps implied is thanking people when they have done #2. This is very hard to do when you are in a full on argument with someone. A moment of pause and consideration of fairness though, should provide motivation to do it. It also shows that you are in control of your emotions as to be able to do that.