Not correct but I love this kid's responses....if I was the teacher, I'd be cracking up while grading!
Tom
The WBF humor and joke thread.
- Thread starter treitz3
- Start date
Not correct but I love this kid's responses....if I was the teacher, I'd be cracking up while grading!
Tom
The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer turned in by a student. The answer by this student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa repeatedly kept shouting 'Oh my God, I’m coming!'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
Bonus Question:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa repeatedly kept shouting 'Oh my God, I’m coming!'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
Steve williams
Site Founder, Site Owner, Administrator
Not correct but I love this kid's responses....if I was the teacher, I'd be cracking up while grading!
Tom
That is hilarious, thank you. How can someone come up with that stuff? I shared it with a few colleagues at work, they loved it too.
Got me, Al. I was talking with my family about this one while they were in another room and I asked them the same questions. When it came to question #4, my wife burst out laughing so hard, she snorted. LOL.
I live for this kind of humor. still-one's post has got to be my favorite so far in this thread.
Tom
I live for this kind of humor. still-one's post has got to be my favorite so far in this thread.
Tom
Grandma Still Drives -- PRICELESS
>
>
>
> Grandma is eighty-eight years old and
still drives her own car. She writes:
>
> Dear Granddaughter,
>
> The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.
>
> I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
>
> So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
>
> Boy, am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed.
>
> I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice the light had changed.
>
> It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
>
> I found lots of people love Jesus!
>
> While I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,
'For the love of God!'
>
> 'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
>
> What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
>
> Everyone started honking!
>
> I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
>
> I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
>
> There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
>
> I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
>
> I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
>
> He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
>
> Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
>
> My grandson burst out laughing. Why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!
>
> A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
>
> I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
>
> So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
>
> I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad I had to leave them after all the love we had shared..
> So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
>
> Will write again soon.
>
> Love, Grandma
>
>
>
> Grandma is eighty-eight years old and
still drives her own car. She writes:
>
> Dear Granddaughter,
>
> The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.
>
> I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
>
> So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
>
> Boy, am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed.
>
> I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice the light had changed.
>
> It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
>
> I found lots of people love Jesus!
>
> While I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,
'For the love of God!'
>
> 'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
>
> What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
>
> Everyone started honking!
>
> I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
>
> I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
>
> There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
>
> I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
>
> I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
>
> He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
>
> Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
>
> My grandson burst out laughing. Why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!
>
> A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
>
> I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
>
> So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
>
> I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad I had to leave them after all the love we had shared..
> So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
>
> Will write again soon.
>
> Love, Grandma
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it, as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
One of the clerks passed out.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it, as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
One of the clerks passed out.
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