The WBF humor and joke thread.
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My Last Round of Golf
While recently golfing, I took a quick turn to avoid hitting a chuck hole, and accidentally overturned my golf cart.
A very beautiful and attractive golfer, who lived right there on the edge of the golf course, heard the noise, came running out of her villa and shouted, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up I noticed she was wearing only a silky see through bath robe which was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a VERY nice figure.
"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself out from under the twisted cart.
She said, "Please follow me to my villa so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head, then you can rest a while, and I'll help you upright the cart later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!
"Oh, come on now," she insisted. " We need to see if you have any more scrapes and treat them if so".
Well, after all, she was really pretty, and very, very persuasive.
Being sort of shaken and weak, I finally agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We walked to her place just a 100 yards away, and after a couple of Scotch and waters and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset, so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall even more open. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything, and by the way, where is she?"
I replied, "Still under the cart, I guess."
While recently golfing, I took a quick turn to avoid hitting a chuck hole, and accidentally overturned my golf cart.
A very beautiful and attractive golfer, who lived right there on the edge of the golf course, heard the noise, came running out of her villa and shouted, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up I noticed she was wearing only a silky see through bath robe which was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a VERY nice figure.
"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself out from under the twisted cart.
She said, "Please follow me to my villa so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head, then you can rest a while, and I'll help you upright the cart later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!
"Oh, come on now," she insisted. " We need to see if you have any more scrapes and treat them if so".
Well, after all, she was really pretty, and very, very persuasive.
Being sort of shaken and weak, I finally agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We walked to her place just a 100 yards away, and after a couple of Scotch and waters and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset, so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall even more open. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything, and by the way, where is she?"
I replied, "Still under the cart, I guess."
In a humming birds heartbeat!
Been married to the same women for 35 years.
Matter of fact she came in the room and read it and laughed, its funny!
It is titled 'My last round of golf" after all.
Ok, this is a recent true story from today, it has nothing to do with politics.
It's those two guys together, with their wives, planting an oak tree on the lawn.
And four days later the tree was gone, vanished, someone took it and replaced it by a patch of grass.
We don't know who and why. Now that's funny.
? http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-43941146
___
UPDATE (fresh news):
In fact, the tree, from Belleau Wood in France where almost 2,000 American soldiers died in a World War One battle, had been dug up not long after it was planted. It was put in quarantine, according to U.S. and French officials. The problem: Parasites on the tree could spread to others on the White House property.
“It was actually a special favor from Trump to France to be able to plant the tree the day of the president’s visit,” an official from Macron’s office said.
“Since then, it has returned to quarantine and will soon be replanted in the White House gardens,” the official said, adding: “Don’t worry, the tree is doing very well.”
It's those two guys together, with their wives, planting an oak tree on the lawn.
And four days later the tree was gone, vanished, someone took it and replaced it by a patch of grass.
We don't know who and why. Now that's funny.
? http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-43941146
___
UPDATE (fresh news):
In fact, the tree, from Belleau Wood in France where almost 2,000 American soldiers died in a World War One battle, had been dug up not long after it was planted. It was put in quarantine, according to U.S. and French officials. The problem: Parasites on the tree could spread to others on the White House property.
“It was actually a special favor from Trump to France to be able to plant the tree the day of the president’s visit,” an official from Macron’s office said.
“Since then, it has returned to quarantine and will soon be replanted in the White House gardens,” the official said, adding: “Don’t worry, the tree is doing very well.”
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Getting a New Hair Dryer Through Customs
In parochial schools students are taught that lying is a sin. However, teachers also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings.
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'
'Of course child. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The customs officer asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'
In parochial schools students are taught that lying is a sin. However, teachers also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings.
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'
'Of course child. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The customs officer asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'
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