The WBF humor and joke thread.
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CNN promises to maintain complete lack of editorial integrity despite AT&T—Time Warner merger.
ATLANTA—In response to a U.S. district court judge overturning a Justice Department ruling that had previously blocked an $85 billion merger between telecom giant AT&T and its parent company, Time Warner, CNN reportedly promised Tuesday that the consolidation would have no effect on its ability to maintain a complete lack of editorial integrity. “We want to reassure our viewers that no matter what happens on the business side of things, we are committed to providing the same level of absolutely uninformed and unintelligent commentary that they’ve come to expect from us,” said CNN president Jeff Zucker, adding that he’d been in contact with executives at AT&T and received their assurance that they would not attempt to interfere with CNN’s misguided, histrionic coverage. “Our frequent failure to meet even the most basic of journalistic principles and mission to downplay important facts in favor of shock value and hysterics is what people have come to expect from us, and we won’t let you down. If anything, the merger should provide even more opportunities to secure ethically compromised interviewees and expand our spurious, tone-deaf coverage to new platforms.” Zucker also stated that he was hoping to leverage the multibillion-dollar merger into big raises for CNN’s vapid, inept on-air talent.
• https://www.theonion.com/cnn-promises-to-maintain-complete-lack-of-editorial-int-1826779595
ATLANTA—In response to a U.S. district court judge overturning a Justice Department ruling that had previously blocked an $85 billion merger between telecom giant AT&T and its parent company, Time Warner, CNN reportedly promised Tuesday that the consolidation would have no effect on its ability to maintain a complete lack of editorial integrity. “We want to reassure our viewers that no matter what happens on the business side of things, we are committed to providing the same level of absolutely uninformed and unintelligent commentary that they’ve come to expect from us,” said CNN president Jeff Zucker, adding that he’d been in contact with executives at AT&T and received their assurance that they would not attempt to interfere with CNN’s misguided, histrionic coverage. “Our frequent failure to meet even the most basic of journalistic principles and mission to downplay important facts in favor of shock value and hysterics is what people have come to expect from us, and we won’t let you down. If anything, the merger should provide even more opportunities to secure ethically compromised interviewees and expand our spurious, tone-deaf coverage to new platforms.” Zucker also stated that he was hoping to leverage the multibillion-dollar merger into big raises for CNN’s vapid, inept on-air talent.
• https://www.theonion.com/cnn-promises-to-maintain-complete-lack-of-editorial-int-1826779595
I think Jimmy Kimmel was designed for me to hate everything associated with him. To me that feels more like a political stab than a comedy bit. But then again the only thing that doesn't from his show is Mean Tweets. America is sick that they like him more than Adam.
I only posted it for the humor, the two funny Russian characters, and the vodka.
I don't care about the show I don't watch TV since 1993. And I even care less about politics and the bible.
I care about my family, my friends and a healthy environment...physically and mentally.
* I've recently read that the soccer fans in Russia run out of beer. I truly hope they can make it.
I don't care about the show I don't watch TV since 1993. And I even care less about politics and the bible.
I care about my family, my friends and a healthy environment...physically and mentally.
* I've recently read that the soccer fans in Russia run out of beer. I truly hope they can make it.
THE ITALIAN COW
The only cow in a small town in southern Italy stopped giving milk. So the town folk found they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply.
So, they brought the cow over from Sicily. It was absolutely wonderful. It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to get next to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.
The people were very upset and decided to go to the local veterinarian, Dr Santucchi, who was very wise, to tell him what was happening, and to ask his advice.
"Whenever the bull tries to get next to our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."
The veterinarian rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Sicily?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Sicily. "You are truly a wise veterinarian," they said. "How did you know that we got the cow from Sicily?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eyes:
"My wife is from Sicily."
The only cow in a small town in southern Italy stopped giving milk. So the town folk found they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply.
So, they brought the cow over from Sicily. It was absolutely wonderful. It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to get next to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.
The people were very upset and decided to go to the local veterinarian, Dr Santucchi, who was very wise, to tell him what was happening, and to ask his advice.
"Whenever the bull tries to get next to our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."
The veterinarian rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Sicily?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Sicily. "You are truly a wise veterinarian," they said. "How did you know that we got the cow from Sicily?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eyes:
"My wife is from Sicily."
So there was this jogger jogging down 5th Avenue when he came upon a very strange funeral procession.
In front was a guy with a dog, behind him was a hearse, behind that hearse was a second hearse and behind the second hearse was a single file of men, 75 long.
The jogger, bewildered by what he was seeing then jogged over to the guy in front and while jogging in place asks the guy what’s going on.
The guy with the dog replies, “well the first hearse has my wife, the second my mother-in-law” to which the jogger replied, “Oh my God, how horrible, what happened, a car accident, plane crash, what?”
The guy with dog replies, “no actually you see this dog, he attacked them both and killed them” to which the jogger just stops and asks, “hey can I borrow the dog” to which the guy with the dog replies, “sure but you will have to get on line and wait your turn”
In front was a guy with a dog, behind him was a hearse, behind that hearse was a second hearse and behind the second hearse was a single file of men, 75 long.
The jogger, bewildered by what he was seeing then jogged over to the guy in front and while jogging in place asks the guy what’s going on.
The guy with the dog replies, “well the first hearse has my wife, the second my mother-in-law” to which the jogger replied, “Oh my God, how horrible, what happened, a car accident, plane crash, what?”
The guy with dog replies, “no actually you see this dog, he attacked them both and killed them” to which the jogger just stops and asks, “hey can I borrow the dog” to which the guy with the dog replies, “sure but you will have to get on line and wait your turn”
A true story:
A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO SAM'S CLUB
Yesterday I was at Sam's Club buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask.
A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO SAM'S CLUB
Yesterday I was at Sam's Club buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask.
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